the Grey - Chapter III - Chiara pt.3
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He touched the top of the amplifier, feeling its warmth. Pleasant. A sense of quiet satisfaction. He flipped the switch to power it down and slipped the bass strap from his shoulders, carefully leaning it against the cabinet. Sitting down, he rested his back against it, watching the sun sink lower. He pulled a pack of cigarettes from his shorts pocket, slid one between his lips, and lit it.
Exhaling contentedly, he thought of her. She was there, just as he’d hoped. She’d heard it, his dedication. His mind drifted to that night. That night.
Walking hand in hand. Wet sand beneath their feet. Shoes in hand. Gentle waves brushing the shoreline. White foam sparkling in the night. The slow ebb of alcohol, leaving a sweet aftertaste. A light mind, free of clutter. Silence.
“Where did you come from?” he asked suddenly.
Chiara didn’t answer.
“Where have you been? Where were you hiding? I didn’t know it, but I’d been searching for you for so long.”
“You were searching, huh? If it weren’t for me, you’d never have even come up to ask my name.”
“That’s true. Can you believe what an idiot I am? What I almost missed?”
“Yes, I can believe it. Idiot, definitely!”
“You jerk!” he laughed. “But seriously, do you realize what a risk I was taking? Just the thought that we might have brushed past each other and never touched, it still gives me chills. I don’t want to think about it.”
“But I’m here. And I found you. And now you’re mine.” she released his hand and wrapped her arms around his waist. He placed his hand on her shoulder.
“Life is fragile. One butterfly wing , one distraction, and everything can change. If I’d stayed home one evening to play instead of going out, I wouldn’t have met you. You wouldn’t have seen me. We’d never have known each other. Forever apart. Do you ever think about that?” Luca asked, worried.
“No, I don’t think about it. Everything happens because it’s meant to happen. And I believe there’s something magical about the world. It couldn’t have been that we didn’t meet. If two people are destined to be together, the world will set them on a collision course. You can fight it, but at most, you can delay the moment. You can’t avoid it.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“Of course I do.”
“You have no proof it’s true.”
“And you have no proof it isn’t. But isn’t it a useful thought? More useful than believing everything is random, that everything could disappear in a second, or that something as important as us meeting could be avoided by a butterfly’s wing. If you keep thinking that way, you’ll end up frozen, terrified to do anything.”
“So everything that’s meant to happen will happen? You don’t believe in free will?”
“I do believe in free will.”
“Then how can you believe in destiny?”
“They’re two different things.”
“No, they’re not. One depends on the other.”
“That’s not true. I’m saying that when two souls are connected, the whole world conspires to bring them together because something important has to happen.”
“That’s not a consistent argument.”
“Oh, you’re such a pain. The world is full of magic. The world is made of people. People are drawn to each other. Because it’s the togetherness of people that creates the world. You must let the magic happen.”
“So, if the world were made of just rocks, it wouldn’t exist?” Luca asked mockingly, sure he’d caught her out.
“Of course not, silly. There’s much more to the world than what your eyes see. Where is my love for you? Do you see it? And yet it’s there, isn’t it? You feel it.”
“You love me?” Luca’s heart pounded as if trying to escape his chest.
Chiara let him go, his hands slipping from her bare shoulders. She looked at him seriously, then raised her eyebrows mischievously.
“What do you think? Are you worthy of my love?”
“Don’t change the subject.”
“I’m not. Do you believe in love?”
Luca sighed.
Love. The evolutionary trick to preserve DNA and maximize survival. The ingenious sleight of hand driving irrational behaviors to ensure the species’ future. A concept so clear in his mind. And yet now… Now that he was inside it, he wasn’t so sure anymore.
That feeling was so real. So tangible. So immediate.
“I used to think I didn’t.”
“Used to?”
“I thought I didn’t. But now I don’t know what to believe.”
“And why?”
“Because I think I love you too. And I didn’t expect it.”
Chiara smiled, sweet and happy. She took his hand.
“Come, let’s sit here on the sand for a while. I want to be close to you.” she said.
They sat on the damp sand, a couple of meters from the waterline. For a while, there was only the sound of the sea.
“You think so much, and are always at battle with your thoughts. It’s a prison, isn’t it? I don’t think about the things you do. I believe life happens, and it’s wonderful. I want to live it, explore it. I want to enjoy the beautiful things it gives me. I want to let go, to be swept away by life. To live it fully, every breath.”
“Do you think I run from life?”
“No, I don’t think that. But I think you’re not doing yourself any favors staying trapped in your head. Life flows around you, but you must live it. You must engage with it. Otherwise, the magic won’t flow through you.
“Magic again?”
“Do you understand what I’m saying?” Chiara’s voice betrayed a hint of impatience.
Luca stared at the sea. His arms rested on his bent knees. A long silence followed.
“Yes, I think I do. If you think too much, you end up just being a spectator.”
“Yes.”
“Probably.”
“It’s true.”
“Maybe. But it’s not all good, not all beautiful. There’s so much in the world that causes pain.”
“There’s more beauty.”
“That’s another unfounded claim.”
“Yes, it is. But you’re faced with a choice. Either you choose to have a little faith, to believe in the world’s beauty and seek it out, or you believe there’s more pain, that it’s not worth the suffering, and you shut yourself off from the beautiful things.”
“So basically, you’re asking me to buy a lottery ticket.”
Chiara lay back on the sand, her wavy hair fanned out behind her shoulders, a hand shielding her forehead.
“Believe whatever you want, it’s your prerogative.”
Luca stood up, a vague sense of frustration bubbling within him. He understood what she was saying, and it felt enticing, compelling. But he couldn’t, wouldn’t, abandon himself to it. The world was brutal, thirsty for blood. His blood. Every moment could be fatal. Every shadow on a person’s face could hide threats. And yet… her. That night. That whole summer. Her words, her actions, her face. All these things stood in defiance of his theory. Those wonderful things exist. Hidden, yes, but real. And sometimes, they come for you, even if you don’t want them to. Maybe because you deserve it. Or simply because they must.
He turned to look at her. Beautiful in the night. His star. He felt she belonged to him. A latent joy welled up from his chest, rising to his throat. Perhaps he should yield. Explore the world through her eyes. For a moment, just a moment. Maybe he could afford that. Perhaps with her, he could. She was special, resonating with him in perfect harmony. Could he trust her? It seemed so. Everything pointed that way. But so much was at stake. Never had he allowed anyone so deep into his heart. Too afraid of being mortally wounded. Yet here he was, with his heart a captive. Its roots at risk of being uprooted. Was this a leap worth taking?
He circled her and lay down opposite, his head beside her. She moved her hand from her eyes and turned to look at him. His profile was sharp, his gaze fixed on the sky.
“Well?”
He stayed silent, thinking. Searching for the courage to decide. To leap into the void or remain safely on his island.
That warm happiness inside pushed him forward. The icy fear blowing on his face held him back.
“Rationally, I’d say no. That it makes no sense to have faith. That it’s better to assume the worst. There’s no reason to think otherwise. We live in a savage world.”
Chiara let out a groan of frustration.
“But…”
“But?” she prompted.
Luca reached for the CD player clipped to his shorts. He placed it on his chest and unwound the headphones, offering one to Chiara.
“There’s a song I want you to hear. It makes me think of you.”
“What’s it called?”
“The Nurse Who Loved Me. Want to listen with me?”
Chiara nodded, placing the earbud in her ear.
“What’s it about?”
“It’s about someone locked in an asylum who believes the nurse is in love with him.”
“Wow, how romantic.”
“No, I mean… yes, but it makes sense. Because what you make me feel is so special it makes me feel crazy. Like this could only be some asylum joke.” he smiled. “But the song is so sweet. He truly believes he’s in love and that it’s mutual. It never crosses his mind that he might be crazy. And maybe it’s true. Maybe it’s real love, mutual love. Maybe love is just what happens within the walls of an asylum.” He paused, exhaled. “But I can’t deny what I feel. This is new. You’ve made me feel it. I didn’t expect it. Maybe I’m as crazy as in the song, but this is wonderful and new. I didn’t think it existed, or at least not like this. But it feels real. It really feels real. It is real. I can’t, I won’t deny it. And so…”
“Yes?”
The music ended. Silence for a moment, then the sound of waves lapping at the shore.
“And so, if some of my assumptions can be challenged, and I can be surprised, then maybe it’s worth challenging other ones I hold sacred. And even though magic and all the things you talk about sound strange and untrustworthy… well…” he hesitated.
“I’m listening.”
“Well, maybe it’s worth believing in them for a while. To see where those lead. Because I believe I love you. I truly believe it. And it’s a wonderful thing. I feel it inside, and it’s beautiful. And I feel it coming from you, which is even more beautiful.”
Chiara cupped his face in her hand. Luca turned his head. They looked at each other for a long moment. Then they kissed.
“I love you, Luca. I love you.”
“I love you too. I really love you.”
Night had fallen. The square was now empty. The soft pink glow had dissolved, replaced by the cobalt blue of twilight. Cold blue streetlights illuminated the concrete. Everyone else had gone home to eat and prepare for the evening.
Chiara sat alone on the bench, her gaze drifting toward the roof of Luca’s house. With her heart light, she stood and began walking, heading past Luca’s gate before turning right to follow the road toward her home.
Behind her, she heard the hum of the electric gate opening. A shadow extended past her, cast by the tennis court’s lights. She turned her head and saw Luca. She stopped and smiled.
“Everyone’s already home?” Luca asked as he approached.
Chiara shrugged and spread her arms.
“What can you do? Dinner’s almost ready for everyone.”
“Sorry I took so long. I had to clean up. The roof was a mess.”
Luca stepped closer.
“Come here, let me hold you for a bit.” He said.
She retraced her steps to the benches and stopped, standing with her hands on her hips, watching him with a mock pout, though she smiled inside.
“Did you like it?”
“A lot.” She replied.
“I thought about you all afternoon. I wanted to dedicate it to you with all my heart.”
“It was beautiful. You know everyone heard it, right? You put so many eyes on me.”
“Everyone already has their eyes on you. With that song, we let them know that we belong only to each other.”
Luca pulled her close and exhaled deeply, resting his face against her soft hair. She nestled into the curve of his neck. They stayed that way for a few seconds.
“Are we meeting tonight?” Luca asked.
“Of course we are.”
A few more deep breaths together, Chiara closing her eyes, relaxed, taking in his scent. Just a little longer.
He let her go, and she leaned back, looking into his eyes, her hands still in his.
“See you later. I’m off to dinner.” Chiara said.
They smiled at each other. Luca could feel her preparing to leave. He held her hands a moment longer, watching her hair fall softly down her back, trying to etch the image into his memory to carry it with him.
He let her go. She took two steps back, her eyes still locked on his, then turned and walked toward her house.
Luca remained there, standing still for a while longer. His eyes closed, rocking gently on his feet, humming the song’s melody one more time.
Laughing silently. With joy.
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